Farewell To Love

Lately, I have been preoccupied with the thought of "purging out" all the romantic stuff from my system...It sounds silly I know...I'm not even sure if I'm making any sense at all..But these past few days..I have been feeling kind of tired...not physically..but "proverbially"...tired of the "love stuff"...tired of wishful thinkings, tired of the very juvenile (i know) "kilig moments"...tired of dreaming for the knight in shining armour, the prince charming, the perfect and the right guy...tired of having to sleep off the excruciating pain that engulfs my proverbial heart..hehe!

(gosh, i cant believe this is coming from me...but yeah, it is I, the girl who has a very strong opinion about love stuff, the girl who's got a very ideal (And firm) perspective of all matters concerning love..the girl whose some friends think is "abnormal" since, she doesnt let the love bug get the best of her... the girl who made (and still making) it a point to user her brains over her heart.... yep...it is I who speak of these words)

I dont know, but i just really woke up one morning, realizing that I might not even be tailored for that sort of thing..that God might have other plans for me...I mean, in our family, every generation has at least 1 single family member...yeah, in each generation, there's always 1 who becomes an old maid or grows old a bachelor...in our generation...no one seems to be going in that direction...no one...except ME.hehehe! My cousins are either married, getting married or in a relationship...so far..I am the only one who doesnt fall into any of the aforementioned categories..hehehe! Don't get me wrong..I am not being bitter about it...I mean..for how many years now, I've tried (and still trying) my best to go where God has lead me to go..and so far none of the paths I've taken have been a mistake...I know God was and is with me along the way...so my point? if God opts to put me in the Singles' department, then I guess it won't be that bad...it won't be easy.. but it won't be bad.....(Of course im still praying He's thinking otherwise..hehehehe!)

So what I'm feeling right now, you know, the proverbial tiredness..(hehe) is probably also some kind of preparation..hehe! so whether or not I'll be the head of the Singles' department, I will be prepared...call it defense mechanism...pessimism...hormonal imbalance (hahahaha!) call it whatever u wanna call it...but really..right now...I just wanna wake up everyday..not feeling this hollow, void, aching thing...(cant really describe it..hehe!) in my heart...

Until someone really comes along (And i mean, in a "2 way street")... IF someone will come along...I just want my heart to stop beating for the purpose of other than keeping me alive.....

Undecided

"Your usually strong will is hardly making a peep -- where's this meek streak coming from? And, inconveniently, it's happening just when you need to make a decision."

I don't really believe in horoscopes and stuff like that...but this forecast on Friendster really caught my attention..hehehe!

I can imagine the people who knew about my current dilemma nodding their heads in agreement(with a smirk to boot..hehe) For those who don't, well, it's a matter of choosing between two..shall I say, hard-to-pass-up opportunities...

One, the chance to experience and learn about a foreign culture, which will allow me to get a feel of living independently for 1 year, working with non-english speaking people and which, most of all will contribute a lot to my already drained savings account..hehehe!(oh..there's one more reason..but if I tell you then I'd have to kill you. ;) )

The other one, on the other hand..will allow me to rest from sleepless nights, dreaming about stubborn bugs....one that will let me have my life back...a new world, where the future looks brighter...something that will "accentuate" (get it? hehe!) my professional life....

So there, now, I'm kinda facing two passage ways for one possible real end of the tunnel, where I will hopefully see the light....

Right now, I'm really torn and as I have told one close friend of mine, I wish things were simpler and easier to decide on....but..well..this is the spice of life...goodness...I just hope I could clearly see where God is leading me....

Darn...couldn't even decide on what title to give this entry...man..this is bad....

Ewan Ko Nga Ba

Ang dami kong dapat gawin..
Pro ewan ko ba...tamad na tamad ako talaga.
Wala sa kundisyon, inaantok at sadyang walang gana.
Ang gusto ko lang ay tumulala at magpahinga...

Panay ang masid sa oras...
Nagmamadaling sa opisina ay makalabas...
Nais magpakalayo layo...
Kung pwede nga lang, habang buhay nang magtago...

Hindi naman ako dating ganito...
Noon araw araw, trabaho ay talagang ginagawa ko..
Pinag-iigihan, pinag bubutihan..
Upang pangarap ay makamtan...

Subalit ngayon, hindi ko alam...
Sadyang lumipas na yata ang aking kasipagan...
Di ko alam kung anung dahilan....
Matinding "motivation" ang kailangan...

Ako'y talagang inip na inip...
Malapit na nga akong maidlip..
Maya't maya, YM ay minamasdan...
Maya't maya, ang YM status ko ay pinapalitan...

Kasabay ng aking trabaho, nagawa ko ang tulang ito...
Di sadya, at bigla...sadyang matindi lng ang "boredom" ko..
Dalawang oras pa bago matapos ang araw na ito..
Haaaaaayyyyyy, ewan ko nga ba bakit ganito....