Used To Be

I was going through YouTube.. Looking for clips from Lois and Clark
Then I ran into this mtv clip with the song Used To Be. I liked the way it sounded so I downloaded it without minding the lyrics. When I finished downloading, I listened to it again and caught this line...

"You always had the right thing to say"

Memories of my dear friend Marks came flooding back and tears started rolling down my cheeks...

He did always had the right things to say...
He knew how to comfort and cheer me up when I'm down..
He knew how to psyche me up and cheer me on when I'm at the verge of giving up..
He knew how to pacify me when I'm all stressed up with things at work..
He knew how to make me feel so special...

No matter how bad my day was, all of it seem to vanish the moment I see or talk to him..
But now he's gone...and ever since he passed away.. some things just weren't the same with me again..

I miss Marks..badly..and although I have started to move on, deep within me...I still long to be with him again..there are even times when I wish that he was still here and
that we can get everything back to how it used to be.....

Hey Marks...wherever you are.. I hope you have your iPod.. cause this one's for you..

Use To
By: Chris Daughtry

You used to talk to me like
I was the only one around.
You used to lean on me like
The only other choice was falling down.
You used to walk with me like
We had nowhere we needed to go,
Nice and slow, to no place in particular.

We used to have this figured out;
We used to breathe without a doubt.
When nights were clear, you were the first star that I'd see.
We used to have this under control.
We never thought.
We used to know.
At least there's you, and at least there's me.
Can we get this back?
Can we get this back to how it used to be?

I used to reach for you when
I got lost along the way.
I used to listen.
You always had just the right thing to say.
I used to follow you.
Never really cared where we would go,
Fast or slow, to anywhere at all.

We used to have this figured out;
We used to breathe without a doubt.
When nights were clear, you were the first star that I'd see.
We used to have this under control.
We never thought.
We used to know.
At least there's you, and at least there's me.
Can we get this back?
Can we get this back to how it used to be?

I look around me,
And I want you to be there
'Cause I miss the things that we shared.
Look around you.
It's empty, and you're sad
'Cause you miss the love that we had.

You used to talk to me like
I was the only one around,
The only one around.

We used to have this figured out;
We used to breathe without a doubt.
When nights were clear, you were the first star that I'd see.
We used to have this under control.
We never thought.
We used to know.
At least there's you, and at least there's me.
Can we get this back?
Can we get this back to how it used to be? Yeah.
To how it used to be.
To how it used to be, yeah.
To how it used to be.
To how it used to be.

The Right Turn

It's been a week..but still the image of panic-stricken people running towards me, the loud thunder-like thud, the confusion, the fear that I felt...they're all still so vivid to me..

I will never forget how blessed I was that day. Me and my college friends were set to have a dinner at Dad's - Glorietta 3. I was supposed to have made reservations the day before, unfortunately -- or fortunately.. I couldn't reach Dad's through any of their phone numbers.

So came that fateful day. Lunch time came and as per my and my office friends' Friday routine, we went to Glorietta. We took an fx and got off exactly where the disaster was to happen an hour later...at Glorietta 2. We went through its doors, walked on its floors..looked through the glass windows of its shops...not knowing that it would be the last time.

I reminded myself that I would pass by Dad's before we have lunch. But for some reason I waited for us to find a place to eat first. After we've ordered, I asked one officemate to accompany me to Dad's while our food was still being prepared. She declined and offered to remind me to call Dad's when we get back to the office instead. I easily yielded and so we had lunch.

We finished at around 1:10, surprisingly, no one made "yaya" to go anywhere else (which usually happens, especially on Fridays..we would usually stop by Color Stone which is at G2, or go to Timezone - G4) -- except for me. We were making our way to Landmark, then, somewhere in the intersection of G2 and G3, I announced.."samahan nyo muna ako sa Dads..magpapareserve ako" Surprisingly -- again -- none of them convinced me to do otherwise..(which my officemates usually do.. they have this goal of bullying me until they make me cry.heheh! - but this is another story)

So I turned right towards G3 (G2 was on the left) .. with my friends trailing behind me. Since some of my friends' fave shops were there, Nike, All-FlipFlops, we decided to go our separate ways, and then sort of had an unspoken agreement to convene back at the hallway to Landmark.

It was probably around 1:15... I went to Dad's, spoke to the receptionist...and then suddenly...there was a loud "BAAAG!" -- at first I thought it was just either a really loud thunder...or a store's steel doors that were probably accidentally pulled down...and then came another that sounded more like gunfire..(I later realized that the gunfire sound was probably the sound of the shattering glass windows of the nearby shops) Then I saw people running towards the escalators and that's when I realized that there is something seriously wrong..then another loud "baaaagg!!" . At this point, I was running to and fro the escalators and the All-Flip Flop store, hoping to find my friends. Scared and confused, I stayed in front of the store and just scanned through the pack of people running infront me...then I thought of going back to our meeting place, just to check if I'd find them there..but then..I saw this crowd running towards where I was...at that point I wasn't sure if it was bombing or if somebody has just gone crazy and was shooting everybody. The thought that the gunman was just behind that crowd scared me even more..and that's where I realized that I am not ready to go yet..that I don't want to go yet. My heart was racing and I was cold all over. While running towards the escalator, I managed to say a little prayer to God.."Lord..ayoko pa po..."

When I reached the escalator, I still couldn't get down..I hung on to the escalator railing, afraid that I might get trampled by the crowd...then I started scanning through the crowd again..hoping to see my friends..then I finally decided to go down. Still gripping on to the railing, I saw the security guards at the foot of the escalator waving their hands and telling us "Wag po kayong mag panic..wag po kayong mag panic". When i reached ground floor, I asked one of the guards "Anu po bang nangyayari?" to which he replied, "Hindi po namin alam ma'am". Then, I started searching through the crowd again for my friends. I looked at the people going down the 2 escalators which were both stopped. It was only after about a minute later that I realized...I have my phone with me. So I dialed one of my friend's number and I was relieved to know that they already got out...we went back to the office harassed and traumatized..the management ordered for a headcount of all employees and thankfully, none of our other teammates were missing.

I couldn't work anymore, I was replying to text messages, calls and ym's of people asking where or how I was. I cancelled our dinner because of trauma and fear. Then, I saw the pictures of the aftermath...and that's when my emotions swelled up. I cried because of the thought that 1 hour earlier, and we could've been the ones under the debris...that we could've been there. Had not for my need to go to Dad's, we could've went straight to Landmark, went down the escalators and turned left to the Parksquare exit towards the terminal..which could've brought us closer to the shockwave and to a much greater havoc.

After that incident I realized a lot of things... I realized that I could've been gone in an instant..not having any chance of even saying goodbye or telling the people I love that I do love them...I know this sounds like a cliche...but really...having experienced something like that makes you stop and think. I also realized how blessed we were..how the different events came perfectly into place...how I had a very strong urge to set up a dinner, how the decision to have it at Dad's was made, how I couldn't contact Dad's the day before and most importantly, how me and my friends made the right turn.

The following Monday, I did not leave the house without telling my mom I love her...and I did not leave the office without finishing everything I had to finish that day.

To date, I still couldn't get myself to step inside Landmark's or Glorietta's premises and whenever I set foot at Parksquare 2, where I take the shuttle home, my heart pounds like crazy and just being reminded of the incident still gives me goosebumps.