Lately, I have been preoccupied with the thought of "purging out" all the romantic stuff from my system...It sounds silly I know...I'm not even sure if I'm making any sense at all..But these past few days..I have been feeling kind of tired...not physically..but "proverbially"...tired of the "love stuff"...tired of wishful thinkings, tired of the very juvenile (i know) "kilig moments"...tired of dreaming for the knight in shining armour, the prince charming, the perfect and the right guy...tired of having to sleep off the excruciating pain that engulfs my proverbial heart..hehe!
(gosh, i cant believe this is coming from me...but yeah, it is I, the girl who has a very strong opinion about love stuff, the girl who's got a very ideal (And firm) perspective of all matters concerning love..the girl whose some friends think is "abnormal" since, she doesnt let the love bug get the best of her... the girl who made (and still making) it a point to user her brains over her heart.... yep...it is I who speak of these words)
I dont know, but i just really woke up one morning, realizing that I might not even be tailored for that sort of thing..that God might have other plans for me...I mean, in our family, every generation has at least 1 single family member...yeah, in each generation, there's always 1 who becomes an old maid or grows old a bachelor...in our generation...no one seems to be going in that direction...no one...except ME.hehehe! My cousins are either married, getting married or in a relationship...so far..I am the only one who doesnt fall into any of the aforementioned categories..hehehe! Don't get me wrong..I am not being bitter about it...I mean..for how many years now, I've tried (and still trying) my best to go where God has lead me to go..and so far none of the paths I've taken have been a mistake...I know God was and is with me along the way...so my point? if God opts to put me in the Singles' department, then I guess it won't be that bad...it won't be easy.. but it won't be bad.....(Of course im still praying He's thinking otherwise..hehehehe!)
So what I'm feeling right now, you know, the proverbial tiredness..(hehe) is probably also some kind of preparation..hehe! so whether or not I'll be the head of the Singles' department, I will be prepared...call it defense mechanism...pessimism...hormonal imbalance (hahahaha!) call it whatever u wanna call it...but really..right now...I just wanna wake up everyday..not feeling this hollow, void, aching thing...(cant really describe it..hehe!) in my heart...
Until someone really comes along (And i mean, in a "2 way street")... IF someone will come along...I just want my heart to stop beating for the purpose of other than keeping me alive.....
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
Undecided
"Your usually strong will is hardly making a peep -- where's this meek streak coming from? And, inconveniently, it's happening just when you need to make a decision."
I don't really believe in horoscopes and stuff like that...but this forecast on Friendster really caught my attention..hehehe!
I can imagine the people who knew about my current dilemma nodding their heads in agreement(with a smirk to boot..hehe) For those who don't, well, it's a matter of choosing between two..shall I say, hard-to-pass-up opportunities...
One, the chance to experience and learn about a foreign culture, which will allow me to get a feel of living independently for 1 year, working with non-english speaking people and which, most of all will contribute a lot to my already drained savings account..hehehe!(oh..there's one more reason..but if I tell you then I'd have to kill you. ;) )
The other one, on the other hand..will allow me to rest from sleepless nights, dreaming about stubborn bugs....one that will let me have my life back...a new world, where the future looks brighter...something that will "accentuate" (get it? hehe!) my professional life....
So there, now, I'm kinda facing two passage ways for one possible real end of the tunnel, where I will hopefully see the light....
Right now, I'm really torn and as I have told one close friend of mine, I wish things were simpler and easier to decide on....but..well..this is the spice of life...goodness...I just hope I could clearly see where God is leading me....
Darn...couldn't even decide on what title to give this entry...man..this is bad....
I don't really believe in horoscopes and stuff like that...but this forecast on Friendster really caught my attention..hehehe!
I can imagine the people who knew about my current dilemma nodding their heads in agreement(with a smirk to boot..hehe) For those who don't, well, it's a matter of choosing between two..shall I say, hard-to-pass-up opportunities...
One, the chance to experience and learn about a foreign culture, which will allow me to get a feel of living independently for 1 year, working with non-english speaking people and which, most of all will contribute a lot to my already drained savings account..hehehe!(oh..there's one more reason..but if I tell you then I'd have to kill you. ;) )
The other one, on the other hand..will allow me to rest from sleepless nights, dreaming about stubborn bugs....one that will let me have my life back...a new world, where the future looks brighter...something that will "accentuate" (get it? hehe!) my professional life....
So there, now, I'm kinda facing two passage ways for one possible real end of the tunnel, where I will hopefully see the light....
Right now, I'm really torn and as I have told one close friend of mine, I wish things were simpler and easier to decide on....but..well..this is the spice of life...goodness...I just hope I could clearly see where God is leading me....
Darn...couldn't even decide on what title to give this entry...man..this is bad....
Thursday, May 05, 2005
Ewan Ko Nga Ba
Ang dami kong dapat gawin..
Pro ewan ko ba...tamad na tamad ako talaga.
Wala sa kundisyon, inaantok at sadyang walang gana.
Ang gusto ko lang ay tumulala at magpahinga...
Panay ang masid sa oras...
Nagmamadaling sa opisina ay makalabas...
Nais magpakalayo layo...
Kung pwede nga lang, habang buhay nang magtago...
Hindi naman ako dating ganito...
Noon araw araw, trabaho ay talagang ginagawa ko..
Pinag-iigihan, pinag bubutihan..
Upang pangarap ay makamtan...
Subalit ngayon, hindi ko alam...
Sadyang lumipas na yata ang aking kasipagan...
Di ko alam kung anung dahilan....
Matinding "motivation" ang kailangan...
Ako'y talagang inip na inip...
Malapit na nga akong maidlip..
Maya't maya, YM ay minamasdan...
Maya't maya, ang YM status ko ay pinapalitan...
Kasabay ng aking trabaho, nagawa ko ang tulang ito...
Di sadya, at bigla...sadyang matindi lng ang "boredom" ko..
Dalawang oras pa bago matapos ang araw na ito..
Haaaaaayyyyyy, ewan ko nga ba bakit ganito....
Pro ewan ko ba...tamad na tamad ako talaga.
Wala sa kundisyon, inaantok at sadyang walang gana.
Ang gusto ko lang ay tumulala at magpahinga...
Panay ang masid sa oras...
Nagmamadaling sa opisina ay makalabas...
Nais magpakalayo layo...
Kung pwede nga lang, habang buhay nang magtago...
Hindi naman ako dating ganito...
Noon araw araw, trabaho ay talagang ginagawa ko..
Pinag-iigihan, pinag bubutihan..
Upang pangarap ay makamtan...
Subalit ngayon, hindi ko alam...
Sadyang lumipas na yata ang aking kasipagan...
Di ko alam kung anung dahilan....
Matinding "motivation" ang kailangan...
Ako'y talagang inip na inip...
Malapit na nga akong maidlip..
Maya't maya, YM ay minamasdan...
Maya't maya, ang YM status ko ay pinapalitan...
Kasabay ng aking trabaho, nagawa ko ang tulang ito...
Di sadya, at bigla...sadyang matindi lng ang "boredom" ko..
Dalawang oras pa bago matapos ang araw na ito..
Haaaaaayyyyyy, ewan ko nga ba bakit ganito....
Thursday, April 28, 2005
My Speech and My Blog
Last weekend, we had this Catholic Life in the Spirit Seminar at our prayer community and one speaker said something that really hit me.
He said that No prayer community is perfect...Not because people are in a prayer community,doesnt mean they are living saints....that they are impeccable....cause if they are, they no longer deserve to live in this world...hehe! So it's just natural that within the community, you will run into people who will drive you crazy, and people who will really put your patience and your faith to the test...
But instead of letting these people get to you...the speaker said, you should be thankful for them...Why? well, because God uses those people to let you have the chance to grow in your faith and to prove your love for Him...
I think the same thing goes with the corporate world...There is no perfect company...at some point, your tolerance, endurance and capability will all be put to test...at some point, you will be part of projects that seem to go on forever, projects that will drain you of all the energy your stored for the day...at some point, you will encounter people whose views are different from yours...people who will make you want to bang your head on the table...people who can and will squeeze out up to the last drop of your patience. But..before you start biting their heads off and before you start lashing out your frustrations,pause for awhile....say a little prayer...and thank God for putting you in that difficult situation, because He allowed that for a reason...He's helping you mature professionally...you are being given the chance to grow....Of course sometimes, human nature will still kick in and we can't help but let off some steam, as I always say, It's easier said than done....but, hey...practice makes perfect...;)
He said that No prayer community is perfect...Not because people are in a prayer community,doesnt mean they are living saints....that they are impeccable....cause if they are, they no longer deserve to live in this world...hehe! So it's just natural that within the community, you will run into people who will drive you crazy, and people who will really put your patience and your faith to the test...
But instead of letting these people get to you...the speaker said, you should be thankful for them...Why? well, because God uses those people to let you have the chance to grow in your faith and to prove your love for Him...
I think the same thing goes with the corporate world...There is no perfect company...at some point, your tolerance, endurance and capability will all be put to test...at some point, you will be part of projects that seem to go on forever, projects that will drain you of all the energy your stored for the day...at some point, you will encounter people whose views are different from yours...people who will make you want to bang your head on the table...people who can and will squeeze out up to the last drop of your patience. But..before you start biting their heads off and before you start lashing out your frustrations,pause for awhile....say a little prayer...and thank God for putting you in that difficult situation, because He allowed that for a reason...He's helping you mature professionally...you are being given the chance to grow....Of course sometimes, human nature will still kick in and we can't help but let off some steam, as I always say, It's easier said than done....but, hey...practice makes perfect...;)
Thursday, February 10, 2005
Saturday, January 15, 2005
Sa Buhay at sa Telenovela
Paalala: Ang inyo pong mababasa ay sariling opinyon ko lamang, "outlet" ko lang. Di ko po sadya na maka "offend" o makasagasa ng opinyon ng iba. Salamat po.
Hindi ako talaga mahilig sa mga telenovela.
Ngunit may mangilang ilang gustong gusto ko panoorin.
Subalit dahil sobrang abala sa trabaho, madalas, patapos na ang mga telenovela kung datnan ko.
Sa mga ganung pagkakataon, ang dami kong tanong.... "Anu ba ang nangyari?", "Bakit ganon?", "Sino yan?" (tanong ko pag may bagong karakter).
Ang mga katanungang ito kapag nasagot ay mapapayapa na ako. Maiintindihan ko na ang mga pangyayari, masusundan ko na ang mga eksena.Ngunit may isa akong katanungan na sa halip na makatulong sa aking pag intindi sa mga nangyayari sa istorya, ay lalong nakakagulo at nagiging ugat ng mga tinatawag na "follow-up questions". Sa mga eksenangang bidang babae o ang bidang lalaki ay naugnay na sa ibang karakter liban dun sa alam kong talagang ka-pareha nya,halimbawa yung sa "Lovers In Paris", kung saan alam kong iniibig talaga ni Carlo si Vivian, ngunit may isang eksenakung saan "na-engaged" siya sa ibang babae. O sa "Forever In My Heart", kung saan nagpakasal si Angeline kay Michael,gayong nung umpisa ay si Raphael ang alam kong iniibig nya.
Sa mga ganong pagkakataon, ang palagi kong tanong ay "Mahal nya ba?" (yung bagong kapareha) o "Eh sino ba talaga yung mahal nya?". Kapag nasagot ang mga katanungang ito, para sa akin, ayos na...tapos na ang problema...para sa akin, ganun lang naman ka simple yun.
Pero madalas iba ang nangyayari sa telenovela...minsan may mga eksenang nalilito ang bida dahil dalawa ang mahal niya. "Hello!!! pede ba yun, kalokohan yun"..ito ang palaging nasa isip ko...
At dito na lumalabas ang ibang napakarami pang katanungan...ganun pa man, hinahayaan ko na lang, ksi , telenovela lang yun..likhang isip..kahit ano pwedeng mangyari basta ginusto ng direktor.
Subalit nitong mga nakaraang araw, yung mga eksenang sa telenovela o sa pelikula ko lang nakikita ay nangyari sa isang kaibigan. Di niyang sinasadyang "ma-inlove" sa isang ka-opisina na may boyfriend na pala. Sa di inaasahang pangyayari, yung ka-opisina niya ay tila "na-inlove" din sa kanya.
Ngayon kumplikadona ang mga pangyayari. Para talagang pelikula. Nung nagkita kami ng kaibigang kong yun nung isang linggo, sinabi ko sa kanya "Akala ko sa telenovela o sa pelikula lang nangyayari ito"...nabanggit ko ko din sa kanya na sa aking panonood ng mga ganitong eksena ay laging nasa isip ko lng ay
"Hello!!! pede ba yun, kalokohan yun"..
Pagkasabi ko nito, tinanong niya ako "Eh ngayon, ano sa tingin mo?" ..
Bigla akong natigilan...sa totoo lang ,hindi ko alam kung anung iisipin ko...
Para sa akin, imposible pa din yun. Para sa akin, isa lang ang pwede mong masabing mahal mo sa isang pagkakataon, liban dun,maaring "attracted" ka lang sa iba. Para sa akin, kapag sinabi mong mahal mo ang isang tao, siya na ang nakakapuno nung parte ng puso mo na nakalaan para sa pag-ibig. Parang sa sinasabi nga sa isang "cliche"...yung taong mahal mo, siya na ang may hawak ng susi ng puso mo....Kung ganon, papaanong mangyayaring 2 ang may hawak ng susi ng puso ng isang tao sa isang pagkakataon? Ano yun, may "duplicate"?!! (Hehe, pilosopo ba ako? hehehe!).. Para sa akin, "exclusive" ang pagmamahal (yung "romantic love")...yun na yun..wala nang iba.=D
Ganon pa man, nangyayari sa ibang tao, nangyayari sa totoong buhay. Sa isang banda, baka meron lang akong puntong hindi pa nakikita.
Hindi ako talaga mahilig sa mga telenovela.
Ngunit may mangilang ilang gustong gusto ko panoorin.
Subalit dahil sobrang abala sa trabaho, madalas, patapos na ang mga telenovela kung datnan ko.
Sa mga ganung pagkakataon, ang dami kong tanong.... "Anu ba ang nangyari?", "Bakit ganon?", "Sino yan?" (tanong ko pag may bagong karakter).
Ang mga katanungang ito kapag nasagot ay mapapayapa na ako. Maiintindihan ko na ang mga pangyayari, masusundan ko na ang mga eksena.Ngunit may isa akong katanungan na sa halip na makatulong sa aking pag intindi sa mga nangyayari sa istorya, ay lalong nakakagulo at nagiging ugat ng mga tinatawag na "follow-up questions". Sa mga eksenangang bidang babae o ang bidang lalaki ay naugnay na sa ibang karakter liban dun sa alam kong talagang ka-pareha nya,halimbawa yung sa "Lovers In Paris", kung saan alam kong iniibig talaga ni Carlo si Vivian, ngunit may isang eksenakung saan "na-engaged" siya sa ibang babae. O sa "Forever In My Heart", kung saan nagpakasal si Angeline kay Michael,gayong nung umpisa ay si Raphael ang alam kong iniibig nya.
Sa mga ganong pagkakataon, ang palagi kong tanong ay "Mahal nya ba?" (yung bagong kapareha) o "Eh sino ba talaga yung mahal nya?". Kapag nasagot ang mga katanungang ito, para sa akin, ayos na...tapos na ang problema...para sa akin, ganun lang naman ka simple yun.
Pero madalas iba ang nangyayari sa telenovela...minsan may mga eksenang nalilito ang bida dahil dalawa ang mahal niya. "Hello!!! pede ba yun, kalokohan yun"..ito ang palaging nasa isip ko...
At dito na lumalabas ang ibang napakarami pang katanungan...ganun pa man, hinahayaan ko na lang, ksi , telenovela lang yun..likhang isip..kahit ano pwedeng mangyari basta ginusto ng direktor.
Subalit nitong mga nakaraang araw, yung mga eksenang sa telenovela o sa pelikula ko lang nakikita ay nangyari sa isang kaibigan. Di niyang sinasadyang "ma-inlove" sa isang ka-opisina na may boyfriend na pala. Sa di inaasahang pangyayari, yung ka-opisina niya ay tila "na-inlove" din sa kanya.
Ngayon kumplikadona ang mga pangyayari. Para talagang pelikula. Nung nagkita kami ng kaibigang kong yun nung isang linggo, sinabi ko sa kanya "Akala ko sa telenovela o sa pelikula lang nangyayari ito"...nabanggit ko ko din sa kanya na sa aking panonood ng mga ganitong eksena ay laging nasa isip ko lng ay
"Hello!!! pede ba yun, kalokohan yun"..
Pagkasabi ko nito, tinanong niya ako "Eh ngayon, ano sa tingin mo?" ..
Bigla akong natigilan...sa totoo lang ,hindi ko alam kung anung iisipin ko...
Para sa akin, imposible pa din yun. Para sa akin, isa lang ang pwede mong masabing mahal mo sa isang pagkakataon, liban dun,maaring "attracted" ka lang sa iba. Para sa akin, kapag sinabi mong mahal mo ang isang tao, siya na ang nakakapuno nung parte ng puso mo na nakalaan para sa pag-ibig. Parang sa sinasabi nga sa isang "cliche"...yung taong mahal mo, siya na ang may hawak ng susi ng puso mo....Kung ganon, papaanong mangyayaring 2 ang may hawak ng susi ng puso ng isang tao sa isang pagkakataon? Ano yun, may "duplicate"?!! (Hehe, pilosopo ba ako? hehehe!).. Para sa akin, "exclusive" ang pagmamahal (yung "romantic love")...yun na yun..wala nang iba.=D
Ganon pa man, nangyayari sa ibang tao, nangyayari sa totoong buhay. Sa isang banda, baka meron lang akong puntong hindi pa nakikita.
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